The desire to find a new partner following a divorce often competes with the fear of repeating the same errors in a new relationship. If you are a parent, the decisions you make will also affect your children, whether positively or negatively.
There is hope for a successful relationship following a divorce, one that will benefit you, your new partner and your children. However, it takes time, careful consideration and self-awareness.
Take your time
You should not begin dating again until you have resolved your trust issues and regained your self-esteem following the divorce. However, even when you eventually become involved in a new relationship, you should still take things slow.
The initial infatuation stage of a relationship is exhilarating but temporary. Do not make any major relationship decisions during that time. Wait to see if there are still smoldering embers once the flames of infatuation have burnt out.
Think of your children, but do not involve them
If your new love interest turns out to be serious, keep in mind that it is not only you who will have a relationship with this person but your children as well. Pay close attention to his or her behavior and interactions with others. Ask yourself if you think this person would be a good stepparent to your children, then be honest with your answers.
Do not be too quick to involve your new love interest in your children’s lives. Once the relationship becomes serious, preferably after at least six months, you can introduce them. However, you do not want to encourage closeness only to have the relationship fail and your children become hurt unnecessarily.
Trust but verify
It is very easy to fall into the trap of projecting your own values onto another and seeing only what you want to see. However, you need to ensure that your new love interest is a trustworthy person with integrity. This involves asking clarifying questions and reflecting on the responses to gauge whether your love interest’s words and actions are consistent.
As a single parent, the decisions you make about a new relationship should involve your head as well as your heart.
